Healthy, Happy...and Gluten-Free

Food allergies are terrible. To name just a few ways in which allergies can be the worst things ever: Some people with nut allergies experience such a severe reaction to even infinitesimal amounts of nuts that they can’t go to baseball games because they might inhale particles floating around from all the peanut shelling. People with milk allergies get to discover that “whey,” a cheese-making byproduct, is in everything from ice cream and cottage cheese (where you’d expect it to be) to pastries and crackers (well, obviously, once you put the cheese on there…no. BEFORE the cheese. IN the cracker). And to people with soy allergies: respect. You guys are soldiers. I don’t know what you eat instead of food, seeing as soy is added to just about every product in the Western world, but whatever it is, you give me hope.

Unfortunately, millennials and subsequent generations seem to be more afflicted with food allergies than generations past, possibly because the Western diet has made us more susceptible to developing such sensitivities.

My own special friend, celiac disease, is a particularly nasty one; it’s reported to be asymptomatic in as many as 97% of sufferers, and can lead to the development of other serious conditions—like multiple sclerosis, cancer, or lupus—if left undiagnosed. Strictly speaking, celiac is an autoimmune disease, not an allergy. The gluten protein, found in wheat, rye, barley, and oats, triggers a reaction that leads the immune system to systematically destroy the small intestine.

Good times. Suffice it to say that it is NEVER advisable for a lady with celiac to eat three Krispy Kremes during a feeding frenzy/fugue state at a casino outing weekend. Said lady will later regret this choice with every fiber (ha) of her being.

Why so cruel.

Casinos aside, living with celiac can be tough on a daily basis, but it does get easier. From the wellspring of my hard-won wisdom, here are some suggestions for my newly gluten-free brethren and sistren on how to make gluten intolerance easier.

Big purses and Ziploc bags are your friend. I take Udi’s gluten-free burger buns with me every time I go out to eat, just in case I wind up somewhere with the best, sloppiest burgers ever and don’t feel like pretending that a bunless burger measures up. I also routinely carry a stash of gluten-free crackers, in the event that some unwary cheese should cross my path. Just remember: life's too short for bag-lady shame.

Make sure to call ahead. If you have a reservation, it’s always a good idea to let the restaurant know that someone with gluten intolerance is about to come a’knocking. It gives the chefs time to come up with alternatives for you if there's no gluten-free menu in place, and for managers to start sounding the allergy alarm (I once got a check that said “!!! GLUTEN ALLERGY !!!” on it. I’m kind of a big deal) and ensuring that servers and staff know to wipe down surfaces and change gloves for you.

Don’t be shy. Restaurants will surprise you. In Boston, I’ve found gluten-free bread everywhere from the Asana restaurant in the Mandarin Oriental and the upscale L’Espalier to Legal Seafoods…after I asked for it.

Stand up for yourself. The food service industry is becoming much more educated and understanding with regard to gluten, but you’ll still get the occasional surly server, probably scarred by too many encounters with perfectly healthy people on perfectly ridiculous, “trendy” gluten-free diets (and to these perpetrators: a pox on all your houses). Put your foot down and don't let them be mean to you. If they’re not willing to give you an informed and reasonable rundown on gluten-free options, demand to see a manager. You’re doing the best possible thing for both yourself and those who will come after.