Getting Along at the Office

We all know the saying "Misery loves company," and it's easy to figure out why that statement rings true. When something bad happens, it makes us feel less bad about it if the people around us are going through the same thing. 

"My annual bonus wasn't nearly as high as I was hoping."

"Neither was mine."

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

Our affinity to gossip has to do with the same idea. As much as we may know that gossiping isn't good, it makes us feel good when the people around us agree with our opinions. It gives us a sense of camaraderie. 

In the office, this type of camaraderie that's centered on gossip can be lethal to a mutually respectful work environment. It can even mar a relationship before it's had the opportunity to develop. For example, in my first "real" job after college, I was assigned to work with an engineer who no one seemed to like much. "He thinks he's smarter than everyone," a colleague told me. "So he treats everyone like dirt. Get out of there as quick as you can!" Needless to say, I was already devising ways to cut our meeting short before it started. This engineer didn't stand a chance with me.

Later on, I discovered that our preconceived notions about people--whether they originated from our own opinions or someone else's--can really get in the way of having good, productive relationships, especially if those notions aren't positive. When it comes to the workplace, where you don't necessarily choose who you have to associate with every day, it's really important to make this distinction. 

Putting aside our opinions

After I made this realization, I decided to set aside what I'd heard about the engineer I worked with, including my own negative opinions that I'd gathered over time. After our next meeting, he left the office whistling, and I felt great. The meeting was successful (for a change) because I'd allowed us the space to communicate clearly and effectively, without any opinions getting in the way.

Next time you're dreading a meeting or a conversation because of some negative ideas you have about a person or a situation, try to dismiss them for a while. It may help to even tell yourself something like "This conversation is going to be completely different than past conversations." It may seem unbelievable that changing your perspective could bring about tremendous results (after all, what about their opinions?) but you'd be surprised. People can feel it when you've put aside your opinions, and that may inspire them to do the same.